Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Monday, August 6, 2012
It has felt as though every part of my life has been tested, thoroughly. Testing my love, my patience, my commitment to God, and mostly my commitment to mySelf. During this period of darkness, I've pulled away from almost everyone, including my yoga kula. I've needed this time to be within the recesses of my own soul, in order to dig deep and find what was hiding there. I also needed to have that quiet space not distracted with messages from our society that tell me to snap out of it, get some exercise, go for a walk, try this herb or that.
My personal perception is that our society is not okay with depression, sadness, loss, or any negative feelings. It's easy when the people we care about are happy and laugh, but to allow them to be depressed is a different story. We are uneasy with sadness, especially if it last for months and even more so when its someone we care about.
I feel as though my depression became a useful tool. But ONLY because I was deeply honest with myself during this period. Ultimately, many useful insights came to me. After all, it is in the darkness that the Light shines most brightly.
However, it's easier, and more supported, to cover it up, to fight it, to take herbs or medicines to make us feel better, or even to exercise through it. Basically we are told to 'put on a happy face'. But how can the Truth come out if we keep resisting the urge to truly listen? If we stay too busy, how can Spirit talk to us? If we keep releasing endorphins to make us feel better, how then do find what is hiding in that deep dark space of our soul?
I can tell you from my own personal experience, that I didn't run away, I didn't cover it up, I didn't exercise through it. I stayed with it, even though I didn't want to many times. I just sat with it. It took an immense amount of courage to be truthful with myself. I almost lost many important things in my life. But I had to be truthful with myself and with those closest to me. And through it all, I've gained many important insights. I also know that I will ALWAYS have the courage to take the path that leads me to Thriving.
Now, I'm not a doctor, and I'm not saying that this is the path for you or anyone else. I'm simply stating my truth for myself. Yes, I contemplated anti-depressants, many times. But ultimately, I chose what was best for myself. Part of truly listening, is doing what is right for ourselves, for our own bodies, even if it means seeking medical help.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Yes, I said it, fast food. And yes, I was there. And yes, it makes me sick (and embarrassed) to admit it.
So, we had just gotten out of gymnastics and the first thing my son says to me, “Please mama, please, can we please go there? Puuleeeze???”
My response, as usual, is anger. “Why do you want to eat in a place like that? It’s disgusting. It’s immoral. Do you really want to say ‘yes’ to a place that treats animals like crap? Do you want to say ‘yes’ to a place that hurts the Earth? God! How do I get you to understand how disgusting it is?”
“I know, I just really want a toy.”
“So, you want a cheap piece of plastic that came here from China on one of those big boats, that spews oil into the ocean and kills baby turtles and sea horses and fish? Really?
“I know Mama, just this once puleeeze?”
And I cave. Yes, I caved…again, and again, and again.
I have found that in my life there are so many things that I say yes to when I really want to be saying no. And then the problem arises when our spouses are not on the same page. It’s one thing to say no to your child, but you can’t say no to your husband, right?
I offer this story, this piece of insight into my life, to show all of you that my life is not perfect. I know in my heart the life I want to lead and also know that the reality is that I am not fully there… yet!
It makes me sad, it makes me feel like a failure, it makes me ashamed that there are corn chips and frozen French fries in my house. BUT…. But that’s why we are forming ICAN. I can change these things. I can change them in my own home. And, I can change them gently or quickly- whichever works best in the circumstances that we find ourselves. But the reality is that I need help too.
The point of this organization is to offer each other support and education on HOW to make these changes.
This organization is not about changing the world, it’s about changing our OWN world…. my world, my house, my family!
Maybe my husband will come home with another bag of corn chips, but maybe I’ll just recycle the bag and be happy with that for now. Or maybe, I’ll figure out a way to make them myself and get rid of the partially hydrogenated oils AND the packaging.
The point is to live from the place we already are and find ways to make changes that lead to harmony.
I am ready to live in integrity. I am ready to sign a Declaration of Freedom that’s only purpose is to set my intention in the direction I want my life heading towards- one of sustainability and returning to the Earth all she gives to me.
I am ready to live in accordance with what the Soul already knows…
Monday, March 19, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Anissa Duwaik, the Local Lady
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
As many of you know, I am a love child of the Earth and a lover of Yoga. Both aspects define much of who I am. Therefore, as you follow my blogs, you will find that much of the way I think, and act, is infused with this way of being.
I feel as though I’ve been inspired to act. I have been given a “piece of the puzzle” of my dharma, and for myself, it is that I am a Puzzle Keeper (a.k.a. an Organizer). I have been feeling intensely motivated to start “puzzle keeping” by initiating this organization, ICAN.
However, what I’m finding is that there is a natural unfolding of events, just like we see in nature. Spring naturally follows winter. Winter naturally follows Fall. I sense that Spring is almost here (within me and without). I can sense that I’m at this precipice of seeing the unfoldment of Spring. However, the harsh reality is that I am still in Winter.
I have wanted to capitalize on the momentum of public interest. I have wanted, and felt compelled to, come up with step 2. I have wanted to initiate another meeting and keep things rolling. In a nutshell, I have been grasping.
But if we look to Nature for the answers, we find that once you plant the seeds, there is a germination period.
Although I have this sense that there is a Grand Canyon right in front of me, it is as though there is a windstorm surrounding me and I can therefore not see a foot in front of my face. It is in this moment, here today, as it is, that I choose to sit. I choose to stop grasping. I heard a Buddhist once say, “Don’t just do something, SIT there!” So I sit.
To all my friends out there, to all the people who also know that the time of change is coming, to those that are ready for hope and to effect change in our lives, I say, we CAN bring change! We CAN choose to live within the Natural Laws of Balance. And what that means today, is to sit and be in winter. We are doing exactly what Nature is asking us to do, be here, now! Allow the unfolding process to occur without grasping.
With love and light,
p.s. I will continue to blog about this process in order to keep the momentum going, without grasping!